(Or “Blog Post 1.5”😉 )
I wrote my first post on this blog – about beginning something new – in October of 2019. It was a year and a half later before I wrote post #2!
Talk about a time when God doesn’t follow your plans!
There was so much unexpected between those two posts.
When I felt God leading me to start blogging, I dove in. I was a little unsure of how it would all go down, but I faced my fears as I described in that first post. I devoured info about website creation, writing, publicizing on Pinterest and elsewhere and started the habit of writing more regularly.
I spent hours developing a website from the ground up, picking a color scheme and visualizing my target audience.
In the midst of all that, we suddenly fell into financial hardship.
When life looks different than you expected.
Oh, how I wrestled with what God was doing.
I had seen blogging as a way to make some income, eventually. But it takes significant time. Was I supposed to continue this endeavor when we desperately needed money now?
That first-post prayer of “I trust you. This is your deal” was still the right course, but it suddenly took on a whole new depth.
I eventually set blogging aside and started looking for odd jobs to help with finances.
The change in focus was not all bad. It led to a part-time job with some friends that continues today…and that I really enjoy!
But as the months passed, and my one blog post grew cold, I realized I had stuffed down a lot of emotion and grief about what happened.
Processing unmet expectations.
“Lord, I believe you called me to start that journey and I trusted you.
How could you bring it to this?”
I felt angry at times that I had invested so much and now it sat, seemingly meaningless. I had shared the journey with some close friends, and I now felt embarrassed and silly. I didn’t understand.
It was grief in a surprising place.
I didn’t know how to come to peace with it.
But like Job, who let go of several losses exceedingly greater than mine, I realized I needed to let go of pride and how I wanted things to go and return to what I know.
“I trust you; this is your deal.”
I still believe God was leading me in the beginning. But He didn’t give me a timeline.
He didn’t show me how it would go.
He didn’t even say I needed a color scheme!
With space and time, I realized that I needed to give up my hold on how this should look.
I also realized that perhaps I needed to return more simply. I ditched the self-created (and time-consuming!) web builder program from before and switched to a free easier-to-manage theme.
I let go of my expectations. I stopped pouting and began again.
When at first you don’t succeed, regroup and start again.
I didn’t even mention that 5 months after my first post, COVID-19 hit us like a smack in the face.
This created many situations for us ALL where we were left saying, “This is not how I expected this to go down.”
Do you have an area where you need to step back, reflect, and separate out what God is saying to you and what He isn’t?
His ways are good.
When God doesn’t follow your plans, He can be trusted.
If you’re struck, asking “What happened?”, take your heart to the Father and regroup. He will help you find peace and start again.
Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind:Job 38:1-7
“Who is this that questions my wisdom
with such ignorant words?
Brace yourself like a man,
because I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell me, if you know so much.
Who determined its dimensions
and stretched out the surveying line?
What supports its foundations,
and who laid its cornerstone
as the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?
Who makes the rain fall on barren land,Job 38:26-27
in a desert where no one lives?
Who sends rain to satisfy the parched ground
and make the tender grass spring up?